Ten years into homeschooling, all seemed good, except for one big problem. Every day it was becoming more apparent that one of my children was not benefiting from home education. We weren’t reaching our goals for homeschooling and needed to make a change. Read to discover how it worked out.

When Homeschooling Doesn’t Work (for just one of your kids)

True confession time….When I was a young, idealistic homeschooling mom with three kids, I dissed traditional school. However, one day, my mom offered this advice. “You shouldn’t badmouth school in front of the girls because someday one of them may need to go to school.”

My initial reaction? “My kids go to school? NEVER”.  What did my mom know? She had never homeschooled…she didn’t understand the “evils” of traditional school…these are my girls (not hers) that she’s talking about.

But, my mom’s words resonated.  And the advice sunk in. And I realized I shouldn’t speak badly about institutional education in front of my kids.  Really, I shouldn’t bad-mouth ANYTHING, period, because it leads to a spirit of judgement and condemnation. So, I stopped speaking negatively about traditional school.

Now, fast forward about 10 years.  I had become a wiser, more seasoned homeschooling mom. Mike and I were solid in our mission for homeschooling.  

  • To guide our girls to love God and others well and much
  • To nurture a love for learning and pursuit of purpose
  • To teach our girls HOW to learn and equip them with the tools needed for self-education


Ten years into homeschooling, all seemed good, except for one big problem. Every day it was becoming more apparent that one of my children was not benefiting from home education. We weren’t reaching our goals for homeschooling and needed to make a change. Read to discover how it worked out.We were educating five children, ranging from 6-16. I was no longer working and could focus more attention to our homeschooling. We were even enrolling our 16-year-old daughter in college (Sounds impressive, right. Not really. We won’t pay for her college education, and she can get a 2-year degree plus her high school diploma for free through a state program).

All seemed good, except for one big problem. You see, every day it was becoming more apparent that one of my children was not benefiting from home education. (Gasp!). We weren’t reaching our goals for homeschooling. Learning at home was not “the best” for Karissa. And it was a hard pill to swallow.

You may be wondering “Why? How could this happen to such a strong steadfast-in-her-conviction homeschool mom?” Well, my friend, I am going to leave you wondering on that one. Maybe I’ll share more details when my daughter is ready for me to. But let me share this… due to Karissa’s and MY designs (our temperaments, personalities, etc), we weren’t loving each other as best we could during learning times. I was unable to nurture her love of learning and she wasn’t learning HOW to learn.

Making the Big Decision

I asked God for a big dose of wisdom and started to explore other options for her education. Clear discernment from God was crucial in this decision.

I didn’t feel public school was a option because I still wanted some control over what my daughter learned. Luckily, since I live on an island with only three private schools, I didn’t need to explore too far. I started my research by checking out the schools’ websites. and had a Goldilocks experience.  “This one is too liberal”….”This one is too rigid”….”This one is just right!”

The big deciding factor was that the “just right” school stated right on their website that they have flexible programs for homeschoolers. I knew I wanted to partner with a school that understood and appreciated what we were (and had been) doing at home. I also admired that the school encouraged self-paced learning, with the teacher as more of a guide than an instructor.

I visited the school twice, once with Karissa, before enrolling her for 3 hours in the morning four days a week. While at school, she does math, writing and reading. Then, when she gets home she joins us for family learning time.

Her school is a bit more “schoolish” than my preferred methods of education , but, duh!, it is a school so what did I expect. And, admittedly, the structure and routine is just what my daughter needed. In fact, when her aunt asked her, “What do you like best about school?”, Karissa’s reply was “The routine.”

How It Has Turned Out

I have been amazed by Karissa’s growth, not just in intellect, but also character.  She is receiving (note the word “receiving” as in accepting someone’s guidance) the math and writing instruction she needs for this stage of her development. She is learning that, in the “real-world”, she needs to respond appropriately when she is instructed and corrected. She has a healthy outlet for her strong leadership skills now that she has 14 classmates to lead. And I believe her love of learning has been sparked because she is more motivated for self-education at home.

More importantly, my relationship with Karissa is being restored. Our negative interactions have decreased. I no longer spend my mornings trying to avoid a blow-up (either hers or mine), but am able to focus on guiding my other girls. Karissa and I have precious one-on-one time in the car on the way home from school. We all genuinely miss her when she is gone, and she feels loved when she comes home.

All this to say…

My homeschoolin' momma friend, if your homeschooling style and rhythm doesn’t work for one of your children, and you are considering enrolling him/her in school, be encouraged. God has a plan and purpose for your children. Consider Proverbs 16:9…”We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.” (NLT). Back in the day, Mike and I made our plans for our girls’ education and we were gung-ho homeschoolers. But, God’s direction is best.

Remember our three motivations for homeschooling?  To teach our girls how to love well, To instill a love of learning.  And to show them HOW to learn.  Well, God has been faithful to reveal how those goals are being met for Karissa through steps other than homeschooling.  

Are you struggling with homeschooling one of your children and wondering if enrolling them in school is a good choice? Leave me a comment. I would love to personally encourage and pray for you.

This post is part of the ‘How to Homeschool Your Resistant Child‘ linkup at iHomeschool Network. Click on over to get more encouragement, support, and ideas for homeschooling a resistant child.


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Ten years into homeschooling, all seemed good, except for one big problem. Every day it was becoming more apparent that one of my children was not benefiting from home education. We weren’t reaching our goals for homeschooling and needed to make a change. Read to discover how it worked out.

Ten years into homeschooling, all seemed good, except for one big problem. Every day it was becoming more apparent that one of my children was not benefiting from home education. We weren’t reaching our goals for homeschooling and needed to make a change. Read to discover how it worked out.

19 thoughts on “When Homeschooling Doesn’t Work (for just one of your kids)

  1. This is AWESOME. My youngest has a speech delay. I struggled with sending him for a while. The state has a free program through the public schools.

    As you can imagine – well, I didn’t want to go that route. My inner voice said no, but I didn’t really have a choice. The option of private – isn’t an option because of money.

    His speech has improved greatly, but I feel like I have let doom in my home. They educators keep taking jabs at me,mans I don’t like it. I think e need to find a better option for next year.

    • That’s tough, Lisa. Did you research whether the services are available to nonenrolled students? Or part-time students? I don’t know rules state-by-state, but I know a homeschool family here in Washington whose special needs son attends just half days.

  2. What a balanced post! You are so right about needing to refrain from speaking negatively about an educational institution. Alas, we probably all do that sometimes thinking we are just defending our educational choice (homeschooling). I have a challenging girl, and while she will remain with me (I don’t have an awesome option like you), I can totally see how this could be a blessing. God’s ways are not our ways. Having support from other, like-minded educators is not evil. I commend you for being wise and self-less enough to identify your daughter’s needs and providing for them, even if it was not part of your original plan.

    • Amanda – Thanks for your kind words. I seems like you have a great opportunity to grow in reliance on the Lord as you guide your daughter. He will give you the discernment you need to do what is best for her. I try to remember that, since God designed my daughter (“challenging” parts and all) that He has a plan and purpose for her. I need to guide her towards maturity and help her learn to use her strong determination and passion for His glory. I bask in God’s faithfulness as I see my girl’s leadership qualities being used for good at school.

  3. Wow, what a hard decision to make, but it’s awesome how you prayed on it and God brought such a great school for your child. Thank you for sharing your. I am so glad you shared this with #SocialButterflySunday last week! I hope that you will join the link up party again this week 🙂

  4. We have always said that “Education is a year by year, child by child decision.” I don’t like teaching K, so I have outsourced that year for most of my kids. However. We got to the point with one of my children where he just. wouldn’t. do. it. any more. So we sent him to private school.

    Schools are a resource. A tool. We have used them (or not) as needed in our 18 year homeschooling journey. I don’t like being on someone else’s schedule, and I don’t like the judgement I get from other homeschoolers for having a child in school, but when that’s what’s best for all of us, that’s what we do.

    • “just. wouldn’t. do. it.”…I totally get you, Shecki. I hope that my daughter can be back with us full-time at some point, but know that we need to do what is best for everyone.

  5. This is so encouraging. I have struggled with one of my five and we have tried different options for him. Right now, homeschooling is working, but this is good to hang on to for me. Great job on not being afraid to go where the Lord was leading. Thank you for sharing on the Faith Filled Parenting LinkUp.

  6. I have been asking just this question a lot lately and considering what it would be like to send our girl that homeschooling doesn’t seem to be working for. I am encouraged by your post that if in fact it does turn out that we need to send her for some time that she could gain and grow in the way your daughter has. I only wish we had what sounds like as great an option available close to us as well!

  7. Thank you for this post. We, too, chose to put one of our children in the neighborhood public school a couple of years ago. My middle daughter has autism and at the advice of therapist friend I trust and who is pro-homeschooling, we enrolled her in a local preschool. It was a small class (only 10 kids) with one teacher and one aide. While I think the whole “socialization” reason is a myth for *most* kids, for my daughter, socialization is truly something that does NOT come naturally to her because of her autism and that was the primary reason we enrolled her. She had an IEP and received some necessary services in the classroom. She did well there and it was a good experience.

    However, when it came time for Kindergarten, I found out the class sizes were 30+ kids with only one teacher and one aide. When I tried to get her more support (such as a para) at her IEP meeting, I was told they couldn’t do that. I knew she would be lost and overwhelmed in such a large environment as she often needs directions repeated and more 1-1 support to keep her on task. (Even in the small class of 10 saw her not always completing her work because of this.) When I continued to push on that issue, they said they could “pull her out for some of the academics.” Well, that pretty much negated my whole reason for sending her! So I made the decision to bring her back home for Kindergarten last year.

    Honestly, I was really nervous about homeschooling her since she does learn so differently than her older sister, whom we were already homeschooling. But she has THRIVED this last year with the 1-1 attention. We will be getting her services and therapies privately, through out-of-pocket and insurance. (We found that the private insurance was generally making more progress than the school services, anyway.) Her private BCBA (therapist) was hesitant about our decision but I have watched our daughter make great strides this year. And we just make sure she gets plenty of “socialization” opportunities elsewhere.

    I do know that there are some in the homeschooling community look down on the decision to send a child to public or private school, but I am a strong believer that we should do what is best for our children. And that might look different for each family, each child, and even each year.

  8. Thankyou for your post…I am homeschooling only one child but I can feel the tension…and I kept feeling so discouraged and depressed..your post is so honest and timely…Praying for the Lord’s guidance in deciding what to do this coming year.

    God bless.

  9. I feel like I could’ve written this post! I struggled so much when we put all three of our children in a private school last spring. I was overwhelmed and worn out, but everything fell together perfectly, and I knew it was clear the girls were supposed to go to school at that point. I had always said we would take it one year at a time, but I’m not sure I really actually believed it. I think in my mind I planned to homeschool all the way through, and I felt like such a failure. I felt so lost and alone. I wasn’t a “homechool mom” anymore, but I didn’t quite fit with the school moms. It was hard, but I learned so much and realized that homeschooling had become my identity. That semester allowed me a chance to heal and reevaluate what was most important.

    This year I am back to homeschooling my two youngest and the oldest has continued in school. It’s such a good fit for her and has been a huge blessing for our relationship, but I still sometimes feel judgement from the homeschool community. That makes me sad. Each child is so different, and she is thriving at school. She loves the routine and the chance to discuss and debate with her peers. It has stretched her in so many ways, and I’m grateful that we have such an awesome school nearby.

    Anyway, I just want to thank you for this post and being open and honest. It’s so encouraging to know someone else has had a similar experience! 🙂

  10. I homeschooled my oldest for the first couple of years and we both loved it. I also had two younger ones at home, and everything went great until halfway into 2nd grade when we hit a major wall. He had no problem with academics, but our relationship had really declined because of our personality clash, and I was turning into monster mommy. I decided to enroll him in a local private school mid-year, and he has LOVED it. It has also allowed me to have some breathing room and regain the emotional capacity to love him when he is home. However, my second child will be starting Kinder in the fall and there is a part of my heart that wants to keep all of them home again and try a different method to make it work. I really love homeschooling and I believe in it, so it is hard to accept the fact that private school might be a better fit for my son. Any thoughts?

    • Your situation sounds very much like mine. So much changed in that one year of private school, and now she is learning at home full-time again. She became a more independent learner, probably because she was able to develop those basic reading, writing and math skills that she needed. At home, when we would work on basic skills (or anything), it often ended up in a blow-up. I now recognize now that she needs more structure than our natural style of home education provides, so I have more of a system set up for her. And she’s usually done with it before her teen sisters even wake up!

      That’s sort of opposite of what some families need. I hear from other mom’s that they have the battles because they have too much structure and aren’t allowing for child-led learning. But it works for us.

      Also, our relationship was restored. I love what you said…”allowed me to have some breathing room and regain the emotional capacity to love him when he is home.” That is what happened with my girl. I encourage you to keep connecting with your son’s heart and seeking God’s will for his education. You know better than anyone what is best for him and your family. Consider what the source of your clashes are, and how you contribute to them. Are you willing to change your part to have him back home?

      And remember that no decision is ever permanent. You don’t need to decide right now if private school is best for the next 10 years. You just need to consider what is best for next week, right? That’s part of the freedom of homeschooling.

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